


Goblin Chronicles

by Dunuelos



Series: Harry Potter, Lone Traveler [30]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 19:46:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20263543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dunuelos/pseuds/Dunuelos
Summary: Lessons Goblins Teach Their Goblets and Other Goblin Matters





	1. Teach Your Children Well

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely humor based on my works and my approach to Goblins. The second chapter is Vernon Dursley's take on them from the Slytherin Chronicles.

A/N: this is a work of fiction. It is based off of ideas and characters owned by others. It can be used freely by anyone who wishes.

Teach Your Children Well: Goblin Lessons

Friendship is nice, but it doesn't fill your belly.

Negotiate from a position of strength. We make the Galleons.

Humans are stupid. The more magic they have, the more stupid they become. A squib makes a better purchasing agent than a wizard. A wizard makes a better customer than a squib.

Contracts should be followed to the letter. Loopholes and fine print are wonderful things.

The greater the need for a wand, the more a wizard thinks with it. A wizard that doesn't need a wand to think makes for a more stable partner in business.

Making profit for your Clan and for your Nation is your highest duty. Paying customers should be respected, regardless of how much better they would look on a platter.

Thieves should be killed for the benefit of all. A live thief might procreate.

If you cannot kill a thief, make an example of it. An educated customer is an honest customer. A dead thief makes the greatest lesson of all.

Humans have no concept of limits. Make certain all contracts have defined scope.

Humans think they own everything they can control. Never let a wizard control the product of your efforts. They will believe they can give it to another human even after they die.

Anyone who demonstrates artistic skill should be respected for that skill. A successful manager or a successful warrior is as much an artist as a goldsmith.

A wizard who wastes gold should be treated with the same level of respect as an unruly child.

Upon very rare occasion, you might find a human moderately more respectful and intelligent. Such humans should be given every consideration so that they might successfully breed and raise their young. This doesn't mean that contracts are unnecessary.

Wagers are always honored. If you can't afford the wager, don't make it. Your body can fill the bellies of those you slight just as well as any human.

Be honest in reporting profits and loss. Cleaning the tunnels is less unpleasant than the platter.

Wasted time is wasted gold. A wizard that wastes your time should be treated as such.


	2. Vernon Writes a Book

This chapter is a product of the Slytherin Chronicles from my Lone Traveler series.

I found this amusing to add. Considering Vernon's relationship with Gringotts in that series, I thought it would be appropriate.

* * *

A small snippet of a book published in 1994:

* * *

_Dealing Properly with Gringotts and Goblins,_

_by Vernon Dursley, Businessman_

_Additional Comments by_

_Sirius Black, Black Family Paterfamilias_

Forward

If one wants to be successfully in life and business, it pays well to learn how to properly respect and deal with those with whom you will do business with.

The biggest mistake that the average wizard makes in dealing with his money is improper protocols in dealing with those who watch over their money: The Goblins of Gringotts Bank.

Goblins are not wizards. Goblins are not Muggles. Goblins are not House Elves. Goblins are a people unto themselves and their customs and practices dictate how they live their lives and how they act in business.

If you want to talk magic, speak to a wizard. If you want to talk politics, speak to a politician. If you want to talk business, speak to a Gringotts goblin.

Before one deals with Gringotts, one should read this book in its entirety. However, if you have a specific issue you wish to learn, go directly to the chapter dealing with issue.

Chapter 1: Get it right: Goblins are not human.

Chapter 2: The proper attitutude toward business

Chapter 3: Stupidity vs. Proper Respect for Time

Chapter 4: Leave your Robes at Home, Dressing Properly for Business

Chapter 5: The Appointment: Not Offending the People who Handle Your Money

Chapter 6: The Art of the Gift Exchange, Showing Proper Respect and Getting Nice Things in Return

Chapter 7: Haggling is Not a Waste of Time

Chapter 8: The Stupid Mistakes that Wizards Makes

Chapter 9: Goblins and Humans and Ownership

Chapter 10: What You Might Easily Misunderstand

Chapter 11: Other Things You Should Be Aware Of

Chapter 12: It's Not your Account Manager's Job to ...

Chapter 13: Planning for the Future

* * *

If you want to understand where this is coming from, read Chapter 8 of the Slytherin Chronicles - and maybe the last part of Chapter 4


End file.
